Allow me to share something with you, if you will…
“I sat feeling horrible, alone, like some freak, dishonest and damaged even. And what is worse is that I couldn’t tell anyone.
All around me people would be carrying on with their normal activities, laughing, chatting, sharing, and yet there was I sat hiding the very thing I needed to communicate but somehow couldn’t.
Every now and then something would happen, I would brush up against something or a friend’s child would climb up on me for a hug and I would wince.
“Are you Ok?” The more observant onlooker would ask me.
“Yeah, I am fine.” I would answer. “Just in a little pain today.”
In truth I hadn’t lied. I was in a little pain.
The fact that they assumed it was because of my generally poor health and not because I had harmed myself the night before was not down to me, was it?
Of course their assuming this was natural since they were aware that I have for a long time now experienced poor health and since I have never once shared with them (or anyone else for that matter) the fact that I self-harm.
So I sat feeling horrible, alone, like some freak, dishonest and damaged even. And what is worse is that I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Do you recognize that kind of experience? Does it or those thoughts and feelings contained within it resonate with a ring of familiarity for you?
Well you are not alone and certainly whilst that is actually an account that I wrote about an experience I personally had it could in fact have been written by so many people who self-harm and who feel they have nowhere to turn.
Check out the opening and closing statements of that little story..
“I sat feeling horrible, alone, like some freak, dishonest and damaged even. And what is worse is that I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Do you recognize the mixture of correct and incorrect statements there?
“I sat feeling horrible, like some freak, dishonest and damaged even.”
That is a perfectly natural response to your situation but the fact that you feel that way doesn’t make it true!
Due to the secretive nature of this condition, statistics are hard to come by but it has been reported that about 3 million people in America alone exhibit some type of self-abusive behavior. So you are neither ‘alone’ nor are you a ‘freak’.
“And what is worse is that I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Again, this is a very natural and common response. Even though there is good, professional and confidential help available out there, sufferers of self-harm are very often reluctant to access it.
However, the fact is that accessing that help is usually a very safe and confidential option and certainly one that I would personally recommend. But even if you don’t feel able to seek professional help I would encourage you to seek help from a friend whom you trust and respect. Sharing your experiences and enlisting the help of someone you trust and respect really can be such an important step on the road to conquering this.
Which brings me to my invitation…
This blog/site, ‘Reson8 Freedom’, was started specifically in order to provide information, understanding and support for folk impacted by self-harm in its various forms.
So why not spend some time checking it out as it grows and why not share your experiences, challenges and victories?
Obviously we need to be careful how much specific detail is shared and also how it is shared so as not to cause distress to either the person sharing or to anyone reading it, but you are very welcome to participate.
It is my sincere hope that what is shared on this blog/site will not only resonate familiarity for others who suffer from self-harm but will also show that, as in my own situation, it really can be conquered and that by sharing our experiences we will not only resonate familiarity but also Resonate Freedom.