Don’t Just Say No.

It’s nearly 6 in the morning and I have been up all night as a result of the urges to self-harm which I think so many of us know so well.

If I am completely honest I hate these darned urges and I know all too well just how dangerous they can be.

I am also very familiar with different coping techniques that can be employed during such times and I thank the Lord that I am as they have helped greatly once again.  Many of these can be found here by the way and if you struggle with self-harm can I encourage you to check them out.

Of course the fact of the matter is that you truly have to want to fight those urges and sometimes that just isn’t easy.  But if you do want to fight them having the right approach is essential.

This is something that was recognized many years ago in respect of anti-drugs campaigns.  You may well be familiar with the old campaigns that were entitled (and indeed had the core message) ‘JUST SAY NO!’.

What was soon learned was that this message and indeed tha approach just didn’t work.  Why?  Well primarily because it didn’t do anything to fill the void.  In terms of abuse and addiction people didn’t do it just for the sheer heck of it they did it because of a need and because they perceived the drink or the drugs to be fulfilling that need or at very least to be providing something else in it’s place.

Those urges to self-harm are a sign of a need and whilst responding to the need by self-harming is a very unhealthy and unhelpful response in the long-term it gives the impression in the short-term that it works.  Of course it really isn’t and is just feeding that need and complicating matters more BUT the fact remains that we have to recognize the core need that is there.

So tonight I didn’t JUST SAY NO.  I said no and did something constructive in its place.  Actually I did some computer work which needed to be done and which I had scheduled for later today.  Afterall the fact that I have been up all night as a result of those urges would mean that I would have little concentration and energy later today and would need to rest.  So doing some of today’s work whilst up last night seemed very sensible.

Additionally I did a load of housework – cleaning and re-arranging etc.  This is an excellent thing  to do as not only does it mean that your brain is actively engaged in stuff but it also mans that your body and more importantly your hands are occupied.  Of course you have to be careful around certain objects and ever mindful of the temptations that are there but it really does help.  On went the positive and upbeat music ( it is important to have that kind of music rather than silence or downbeat and negative music playing) and on I got with some chores.

And there is another very real benefit from doing this.  You get to see the fruits of your labour and to take encouragement from the fact that it came about as a result of a victory.

By doing housework you have not only been productive and achieved something but you have turned a potentially harmful and negative thing into something very positive and beneficial.

This is a wonderful thing to do.  Of course the dog thinks I am crazy and is wondering just what it going on but hey, I am sure he will cope and I am really pleased that I have coped!


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8 thoughts on “Don’t Just Say No.

  1. NZ Cate says:

    Sorry you’ve had such a long night Kevin but well done for kicking the butt of those urges so constructively. That’s awesome and what does it matter if the dog thinks you’re crazy. S/he loves you anyway. Hope today is a better day for you. 🙂

  2. carlarenee45 says:

    See Kevin, even in your struggles, you are such a help to others in the same boat.

    • boldkevin says:

      Hi Carla,

      Thank you that is very kind of you. I just want to try and help folk is all.
      Kind Regards.

      • carlarenee45 says:

        I wish there were more ppl like you around. I am forever in shocck at the number of people who are really content however, to go through like without wanting to know a solution. People would rather just rattle of a total nonescence answer to one of lifes questions, or one of lifes solutions that to really try to find the truth and actual answers to anything. You can tell them advice and encourage them but they don’t want to put forth the effort to try. When It comes to salvation and belief in God, people come up with some of the illogical beliefs that even contradict one another, as long as there is no judgement talk. I have had people say that it isn’t supoosed to make sense, because nothing is meant to make sense. But we can not stop trying by the same personal experiences, and the same solutions that have changed us and pray that our testimony bears fruit. (((hugs)))

  3. So glad you got through this difficult night so well. I can well imagine how accomplishing the housework can create that element of encouragement and productivity that can help counter the negatives going on.
    I have often found when I am really upset or angry that is when I turn to housework, it always seems to be able to help occupy and distract me…perhaps I need to get upset and angry more…everything is so cluttered and I am once more feeling the negative things that come with living in a messy environment (doesn’t really allow the mind to be calm)…I always think back to when you first warned of this…Sorry I am rambling.
    Again I am glad you were able to distract yourself from your harmful thoughts, but terribly sorry it came at the cost of your much needed sleep.
    Much Love

    • boldkevin says:

      Hi Kiddo,

      Yes thankfully I managed to survive the night without any incdent, although being so tired yesterday played havoc with my exercise plans. But then that is just part of life.

      Hope you and the boys are well
      Loads of love

  4. NZ Cate says:

    Hi, I have nominated you for a Liebster Award. 🙂 Check out my post for details. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
    Cate 😛

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